Not Everything Is Yours to Fix: When Emotions Are Data
There’s a quote often attributed to Lori Gottlieb that tends to stop people in their tracks:
“Before we diagnose someone with depression, let’s first make sure they are not surrounded by assholes.”
It’s a little blunt… and also, sometimes, very true.
In therapy, I meet a lot of people who are working hard to manage their anxiety, overthinking, or low mood. They’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, and are genuinely trying to “not let things bother them.”
But here’s the part that often gets missed:
Sometimes, it’s too much to ask someone to just let it go.
Your Feelings Might Make Sense
If you’re feeling:
constantly worried about being around certain people
hurt by repeated comments or behaviors
frustrated in environments that feel unfair or draining
…it might not be a sign that you’re too sensitive.
It might be a sign that something isn’t working.
We are quick to label emotions like anger, irritation, or hurt as problems to fix. But emotions are actually data. They give us information about what matters to us, what feels off, and where something might need attention.
So instead of asking, “Why am I reacting like this?”
It can be more helpful to ask, “What is this reaction trying to tell me?”
The Goal Isn’t to Feel Nothing
Therapy isn’t about becoming the kind of person who is unbothered by everything.
Because… that person doesn’t exist.
What we can do in therapy is:
understand why certain situations hit as hard as they do
learn how to manage the intensity of those reactions
decide what’s worth addressing, setting boundaries around, or walking away from
You don’t need to eliminate your feelings.
You need a way to listen to them without getting completely taken over by them.
Maybe Your Reaction Isn’t the Problem
If you’ve ever been told to “just ignore it” or “not take it personally,” you already know how unhelpful that can feel.
Sometimes your reaction is exactly what you’d expect from a thoughtful, aware human being in a frustrating or hurtful situation.
And sometimes, the work isn’t about changing you as much as it is about:
recognizing patterns in your relationships
adjusting exposure to others
and figuring out how to protect your energy a little better
A Different Option
What if your emotions aren’t evidence that something is wrong with you…
…but a signal that something around you needs a closer look?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or questioning whether you’re “too much,” therapy can help you sort through what belongs to you—and what doesn’t.
